


Bittersweet Outtake: Bella's Story

by mw138



Series: Bittersweet [3]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, You won't like Bella
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-29 20:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10143434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mw138/pseuds/mw138
Summary: Something doesn't seem right....Bella's side of the story.Bittersweet Outtake





	

**Author's Note:**

> So here is the outtake that will hopefully answer a few questions that many of you had. I don’t intend for this to excuse her behavior, but maybe it will help you understand her better.
> 
> I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

_**Jasper.**  
  
_ A name I probably only heard a total of three times in the duration of our relationship…until a few months ago.  
  
_**Jasper.**  
  
_ A name that now seems to fall from my husband’s lips on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day.  
  
_**Jasper.**  
  
_ The mysterious best friend who suddenly re-entered my husband’s life out of the blue, reigniting a light in Edward’s eyes; one I hadn’t seen in god knows how long.  
  
_**Jasper.**  
  
_ The man who held my husband’s heart.

_x~x~x~x~x~x~x_

When I first met Edward I was dazzled by his good looks, kind nature and vast intelligence. He challenged my thoughts on politics, religion and social issues, and embodied a wonderful sense of optimism that captivated me. Even if we disagreed on a particular topic, he was always the perfect gentleman and allowed me to say my piece before taking a moment or two to formulate his own respectful response.  
  
At first Edward was just a good friend I met while teaching together at an elementary school in Seattle. I had just moved to the area to teach Kindergarten while Edward taught music to all grades. My father was the police chief in Forks, a small town approximately three hours away. At first I felt out of place having come from Phoenix where I lived with my mother for most of my life; my parents divorcing when I too young to remember. After college, I figured teaching in Washington would be a great opportunity to reconnect with my father, so I happily accepted a teaching position within driving distance of him. It was difficult acclimating to the damp, dreary weather of Washington, but any discomfort I may have felt melted away because I had a new, dashingly handsome friend.  
  
Edward Cullen.  
  
He was beautiful. His messy dark brown hair stuck up in every direction in such a way that it seemed perfect in its chaos, and in the sunlight it seemed to glow in rich, sparkling shades of red and gold.  
  
I first saw him at a teacher’s meeting. It was an unusually sunny and warm day in August and all of the teachers decided to meet outside. As I looked around for a place to sit, I saw Edward sitting beneath a tree reading a book. Something about him drew me in and I found myself walking right up to him and introducing myself. When he looked up at me to say hello, I think my heart stopped. He immediately stood and shook my hand. We spoke back and forth for a while before he asked me to sit with him. I think I swooned when he offered to let me sit on the small blanket he had been sitting on. When I accepted, I noticed that when he sat down, he sat on the slightly damp grass. I told him that I could sit somewhere else or we could both sit on the blanket, but he wouldn’t hear of it.  
  
“I just want you to be comfortable,” he said. “Don’t worry about me.”  
  
We had lunch together that afternoon and dinner that evening. From that day forward we were pretty much inseparable. It was impossible for me to not develop feelings for him. When he told me he felt the same, I was overjoyed. We officially began dating and six months later he proposed. I could not believe my luck. The most beautiful, generous, romantic and kindhearted man wanted to marry _me_.  
  
I think in my haze of planning a wedding and the happiness I felt at becoming Mrs. Edward Cullen, I missed some definite red flags.  
  
About three months before the wedding, Edward seemed to withdraw a bit and would often have heated conversations on the phone with his parents. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help it. It was during one of those conversations that I first heard _his_ name.  
  
Jasper.  
  
“Of course I’m sure. Mom, please do not mention Jasper. He chose his life and it didn’t include me, so just drop it!”  
  
Those words confused me, but I didn’t dwell on them. Hearing bits and pieces of conversations only led to misunderstandings, so I let it go. After that conversation, Edward seemed to fall into a brief depression. When we did things together, he tried his best to seem happy and excited, but I could tell something was off. One evening I decided to broach the subject of this mysterious Jasper.  
  
“Edward.”  
  
He looked up from grading his students’ assignments and smiled at me.  
  
“Yes, Bella?”  
  
“I want to ask you something.”  
  
“Sure! What do you want to know?”  
  
“Who is Jasper?”  
  
He immediately tensed and I watched as his jaw tensed over and over again. He exhaled sharply and removed his glasses.  
  
As he prepared himself to answer my question, I sat next to him on the couch and laid my hand over his thigh, trying to comfort him.  
  
“He was my best friend,” he finally said.  
  
“Was?”  
  
He exhaled again through his nose and his brow furrowed as if he were experiencing physical pain.  
  
“Yeah,” he croaked. “We went to college and grad school together. Right before we graduated, we had a falling out and I haven’t spoken to him since.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
He just shook his head.  
  
“I’m sorry, Edward, but if you were such good friends, couldn’t all of this be worked out?”  
  
“No,” he said quickly. “Our friendship is over.”  
  
I sat stunned by the force and finality behind his words.  
  
“If you don’t mind, sweetheart, can we please not talk about him again?”  
  
I squeezed his hand and smiled, silently agreeing to his request.  
  
_If only I had asked again…._

_x~x~x~x~x~x~x_

Once we were married, things seemed great. Prior to our wedding, Edward and I never had sex. He said he was old fashioned and didn’t want to taint our marriage by giving in to carnal desires. He wanted us to give ourselves to each other as man and wife. That’s not to say that we didn’t find other ways to take care of each other’s needs, but we never went all the way.  
  
Our wedding night was beautiful and Edward was so gentle and loving. All of the frustration I’d felt during our courtship and engagement seemed to melt away when he touched me for the first time as my husband. I was ecstatic, once again, knowing that I would be spending the rest of my life with this wonderful man.  
  
As time went on, Edward was still a wonderful and supportive husband, but our sex life seemed to all but disappear. We were still newlyweds in my eyes, so why were we only having sex once every two months or so, and even then it seemed difficult and almost forced. I constantly felt rejected, disgusting and unloved. Edward would convince me that it wasn’t like that, but what husband doesn’t like to make love his wife? Edward would often resort to pleasing me orally, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted the intimate connection that came from feeling him move inside me. His tongue and fingers did their job and I would find release, but it seemed so…empty.  
  
When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or completely confused. Edward and I somehow managed to conceive a child? The thought seemed so foreign to me and I almost felt detached from my body when the doctor gave me the official news. Telling Edward was like the best Christmas and birthday gift all wrapped in one. He literally leapt off the couch and pulled me into his arms whispering how much he loved me and that he couldn’t wait to meet our child. For a brief moment I felt like our marriage was real and that we were madly and deeply in love with each other.  
  
While his excitement for the baby grew more and more with each passing day, our relationship seemed to continue its slow deterioration. Granted, Edward always showed he cared and was constantly doing things for me, but that spark I thought we once shared was gone. I felt like he was more of a roommate and good friend instead of a husband, partner and lover. I would often lose my temper with him, wanting him to hurt as badly as he was hurting me, but he just attributed my outbursts to pregnancy hormones.  
  
Prior to the baby’s birth, Edward and I decided to move to Forks. Edward had grown up there, but all I knew of it was from my occasional visits with my father. We both felt Forks was a much better environment than the city to raise the baby. Plus, Edward’s parents and my father would be closer to their grandchild. It was a win-win situation for everyone.  
  
Alice Marie Cullen was born and became the light of her Daddy’s life. He doted on her constantly and took every opportunity to play with her, sing to her, play the piano for her, bathe her, change her, etc. I pretty much felt like I wasn’t needed at all. He seemed to have everything under control.  
  
Months slowly passed into years and before I knew it, Alice was celebrating her third birthday. Edward wanted to go all out and throw a huge birthday party for her, but she’d had one for the past two birthdays. I knew for a fact she couldn’t remember them and was pretty sure she wouldn’t remember this one either. We argued, as usual, about it, but finally he gave in and agreed to a small family party with just us, our parents, and few friends.  
  
“I just want the best for her, Bella,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with celebrating the birth of our daughter.”  
  
“Edward, she has the best. You give her everything she could possibly want.”  
  
“Because she deserves it. She’s my little girl,” he said with a beaming smile.  
  
“Yeah, we should all be so lucky to be on the receiving end of your adoration.”  
  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”  
  
“It means that if you don’t stop spoiling her like you do, she’s going to grow up to be a brat!”  
  
He took a step back as if I had punched him in the chest.  
  
“Bella, what has gotten into you lately?”  
  
“Nothing. I need to get out of here.”  
  
I quickly grabbed my keys and my purse and ran to my car. Once inside I pulled out my cell phone number and hit the speed dial button for the one person I knew would listen to me…comfort me…love me.  
  
“Hello,” the voice on the other end said.  
  
I sighed. “I need to see you. He’s driving me crazy.”  
  
“Of course, Bella, come right over. I’ll be here.”  
  
“Thanks, Alec.”  
  
“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

_x~x~x~x~x~x~x_

I met Alec a year ago at a teaching seminar in Port Angeles. He was one of the organizers of the event and we hit it off immediately. I knew it was wrong, but one thing led to another one night and we slept together. The next morning I felt sick that I had cheated on my husband, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt I deserved to be loved and wanted by another man. Alec always listened to me and comforted me when I needed it. I often found myself avoiding home and just staying with Alec in Port Angeles. After a while, I just didn’t care anymore. I was falling in love with him and I knew he reciprocated those feelings.  
  
I knew by the way he gazed into my eyes and told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world.  
  
I knew by the way he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.  
  
I knew by the way he slowly and lovingly made love to me, making me feel like I was precious, special and needed.  
  
It was only a matter of time before I would tell Edward that I had fallen in love with someone else and that I would be leaving him. Our relationship was pretty much nonexistent and Alec assured me that he would take care of me and Alice no matter what. The thought of him taking care of me was incredible, but taking care Alice as well? I’m not the best person to speak about right and wrong, but something felt wrong about Alec taking care of Edward’s daughter.

_x~x~x~x~x~x~x_

Although it had been years since I last heard his name, something inside me froze when I saw Edward nearly skipping towards me and telling me that he and his old friend, Jasper, had been emailing back and forth for a couple of months.  
  
“Jasper? The guy you had a falling out with and refused to talk to or about for years?”  
  
He smiled brightly and nodded his head.  
  
“He’s doing really well! He’s an entertainment lawyer in L.A. and represents all kinds of movie stars and athletes. Isn’t that cool? I always knew he’d be a success. I can’t tell you how happy I am to be in contact with him again!”  
  
I hadn’t seen Edward this happy since Alice was born. His happiness was infectious, but at the same time I was confused. What in the world could have been said in their emails to mend something that seemed to be irrevocably broken?

_x~x~x~x~x~x~x_

As Edward and I began to drift even farther apart, his newly rekindled friendship with Jasper only seemed to grow stronger. There were so many instances when I found Edward eagerly texting back and forth with him or on the computer conversing via instant message. He laughed constantly during those stolen moments and a smile seemed to be permanently affixed to his face. Edward was truly happy. Although I loved Alec, I still held a lot of affection for Edward. He was a sweet person and I was happy to see him so happy.  
  
Then one evening something shifted. He received an email from Jasper that seemed to decimate his world. I was having a rare moment alone with Alice, getting her ready for bed, when I walked past the office and saw Edward staring blankly at the computer screen. He sat perfectly still and didn’t move a muscle. I waited a couple of minutes, figuring he’d notice me and his daughter standing behind him in the doorway, but there was no acknowledgement.  
  
Alice said “Daddy” and that seemed to jolt Edward back to life. He quickly exited out of the email and logged off of his account. Standing up very slowly, I was shocked to see how utterly depressed and broken he looked.  
  
“Edward, what’s wrong?” I asked.  
  
“Nothing,” he whispered.  
  
“Are your parents okay? Is Dad okay,” I asked frantically.  
  
“Yeah, they’re fine.”  
  
He reached out for Alice who happily jumped into his arms and snuggled into his neck. He closed his forlorn eyes and held her close.  
  
“Edward, why are you so…..sad?”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
Alice slowly drifted off to sleep, the sound of her father’s breathing, heartbeat and voice lulling her.  
  
“I really don’t care. What is it?”  
  
He stared at me pointedly, but I wasn’t budging. He was going to open up to me once for all.  
  
“Let me put Ali down and I’ll be back.”  
  
I nodded and watched as he disappeared down the hall. When he returned he seemed to have fallen even deeper into his melancholy. It was scary and I started to worry. He softly closed the door behind him and turned on the baby monitor just in case Alice needed him.  
  
He stood in front of me with his head bowed and his eyes on the floor. The room was so silent I thought I could hear his heart beating.  
  
“What’s wrong, Edward? Tell me.”  
  
“It’s Jasper.”  
  
“Is he alright?”  
  
“Yeah, he’s alright.”  
  
“Then what is it?”  
  
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”  
  
“Damn it, Edward, just say it!”  
  
“Bella, please keep your voice down. I don’t want Ali to wake up.”  
  
“Of course, Edward, you don’t want anything to happen to your precious Ali, right? To hell with anything and anyone else! You can’t even have a fucking conversation with your _wife_!”  
  
“What? I’m talking to you right now.”  
  
“No you’re not! You haven’t had a _real_ conversation with me in years! So tell me, Edward, what’s going on with you and Jasper.”  
  
The panicked look in his eyes at my word choice was the first clue. He refused to look at me and I took a step closer.  
  
“What did he say in that email?”  
  
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  
  
“Th-that he’s dating Riley Biers.”  
  
“The actor? Wow, that’s incredible!”  
  
Edward’s eyes remained fixed on the carpet.  
  
“So what’s the problem?”  
  
“Dating an actor is no good. Jasper deserves better than that.”  
  
“Better? Did he say Riley treated him badly?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Does Jasper seem happy with him?”  
  
Edward’s voice shook as he answered.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Again, what’s the problem?”  
  
Silence, once again, filled the room. It wasn’t until I looked closely at Edward and saw the anguish in his features. He could barely speak about Jasper’s new relationship, the words coming out laced with bitterness and disdain. Suddenly, everything hit me in a flood of memories.  
  
Edward’s obvious sadness when I mentioned Jasper prior to our wedding…  
  
The way he was hardly able to contain himself when he reconnected with Jasper…  
  
His carefree attitude and immense happiness whenever they conversed with one another…  
  
Edward’s inability to be fully intimate with me and his refusal to have sex prior to marriage…  
  
His anguish at the thought of Jasper being happy with someone else…  
  
Edward was in love with Jasper.  
  
I inhaled sharply as the realization hit. After all these years of never feeling good enough, I finally grasped that all of the awkwardness and distance in our marriage wasn’t because of me. The reason Edward could never fully give his heart to me was because Jasper still held it firmly in his grasp.  
  
“You’re in love with him.”  
  
It wasn’t a question; it was a statement of fact.  
  
Edward began to tremble and while I wanted to comfort him, we needed to have this conversation.  
  
“Edward,” I said in an effort to get his attention.  
  
He looked up at me, his eyes shimmering with tears as he slowly nodded his head.  
  
“I’m sorry, Bella.”  
  
“Sorry? You’re sorry? You made me feel like I was never good enough for you; that you didn’t want me and only married me for appearances!”  
  
As soon as the words left my mouth, I gasped. That’s _exactly_ what he did!  
  
“Bella…” he started.  
  
“Don’t. You married me just so you could forget _him_!”  
  
“I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Save it! I don’t want your apologies.”  
  
Taking a moment to gather my thoughts and calm down, I took another step closer to Edward and ducked my head so he would look at me.  
  
“I can’t do this anymore.”  
  
He nodded his head, resigned.  
  
“We never had a true marriage and now I understand why.”  
  
His eyes snapped to mine and he stared at me, searching for something that he himself couldn’t seem to grasp or understand.  
  
“You could never truly love me because you’re still in love with him.”  
  
His face crumpled as another wave of sadness took over. Covering his face with his hands, he sobbed.  
  
“B-Bella, I’m s-so sorry for doing this to you.”  
  
I rested my hand on his shoulder. It was the only comfort I could give him at the moment.  
  
“Edward, I can’t say that everything is okay, but I haven’t been totally honest with you either.”  
  
He wiped the tears away from his face and looked at me confused.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I’ve been seeing someone.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“We’re in love, Edward, and I want to be with him.”  
  
“How long has this been going on?”  
  
“A little over a year now. I know I’m wrong for having an affair, but I desperately needed to be wanted, desired and admired by someone. I’m sorry for going behind your back, but I’m not sorry for finding love.”  
  
With a heavy sigh, Edward responded. “I understand and I’m happy you found someone that will make you happy.”  
  
I nodded my head, awe struck that this was going so smoothly.  
  
“What about Ali,” he asked.  
  
My heart began to race as I prepared to tell him what I had been thinking about the past couple of months.  
  
“I want you to have fully custody of her.”  
  
His eyes became wide as shock spread across his face.  
  
“You…you don’t want her? But you’re her mother, Bella!”  
  
“Edward, she was never mine. She’s _your_ little girl. It’s hard to explain, but in some way I feel like I was just an incubator; a vessel to create a life that you would love and care for. My maternal instincts never really kicked in and I always felt detached. In some weird way, I never felt like she was my daughter. She was always yours and…Jasper’s perhaps?”  
  
Edward shook his head quickly as if by doing so my words and feelings would somehow change.  
  
“I just want to start fresh without any reminders of my failures.”  
  
Quickly looking up at me, Edward’s eyes flashed with anger as he clenched his jaw.  
  
“Ali is NOT a failure. I don’t care what you say or what you think. If you want to start your new life without her, fine, but don’t you _dare_ imply that that little girl is anything short of amazing!  
  
His breathing increased as his hands clenched into fists.  
  
“I’m going to go,” I whispered. “I’ll be back to gather my things later.”  
  
Nodding his head he spoke one last time.  
  
“I am very sorry, Bella.”  
  
Biting my lip, I nodded slowly.  
  
“I truly hope you find happiness with Jasper, Edward.”  
  
His eyes grew wide once again and he resumed his infatuation with the carpet.  
  
“Me too,” he mumbled. “If I’m not too late.”  
  
I left the room as fast as my legs to could carry me. Gathering the few things I needed, I threw them into a bag and left the house. I didn’t even say goodbye to Alice. It was all for the best though. She was better off with Edward because I could never be the mother she needed. There was too much hurt and resentment between Edward and me and I didn’t want those feelings to tarnish her in anyway. I hope one day she can forgive me, but I couldn’t dwell on that too long. My whole life was ahead of me and I was determined to make it has happy as possible.


End file.
